Cats in the Crater Page 3

  Dustin had this kinda Irish-dancing-meets-hip-hop-meets-Tahitian-luau thing going on. It sounds weird, but it actually worked. And Ezmirelda just danced really, really evilly. I mean, she did the same swaying and stomping that we were all taught this afternoon, but she did it with serious evil intent. It rocked.

  Madame Mako stood and clapped. Then she held up her hand again and the music stopped.

  “I am hungry,” she said. “Have those two who danced, the elephant-lair boy, the wresting-lair boy and the rock-group-lair boy join me at my table with my granddaughter and her two henchmen.” She paused. “That is all. Eat.”

  I looked at Igor. “I think she means us,” I said, and walked over to the table.

  “We seriously have to get over this ‘henchmen’ thing. We need her to see us as top evil geniuses in the making.” I straightened my shirt to look more dignified. “We gotta look the part.”

  Igor smoothed his monobrow and looked serious.

  “Yeah, good. That’s it,” I said.

  Geeky Girl was really quiet while we ate. I mean she isn’t, like, always chatty or anything, but she just sat next to her grandmother and didn’t say a word.

  As we ate, Madame Mako reached down and unclipped Lucky from his chain. He wagged his tail and stood up. “Go do your business, Lucky,” she said, and he trotted off toward the woods.

  “Is that safe?” Geeky Girl asked Madame Mako. “I mean, what if he meets a camper on the way to go dragon pee in the woods?”

  “Then they shouldn’t have left the luau, should they?” she answered without looking up from her stew.

  Igor pulled on my white coat under the table so the others couldn’t see, and then he tilted his head to the side to point.

  “What are you trying to say, Igor?” I whispered.

  Then Igor mimed what looked like a bird flapping in that direction, followed by a kitten stalking the bird.

  “But we left them in the tent?! Did you see them head that way?” I asked.

  Igor nodded.

  That’s when we heard what sounded like a bird screech followed by a hiss.

  6

  I stood up from the table. “Ummmm, I think I have to … ummm … you know … ummm … in the woods too.” I started to run for the woods.

  I followed the sound of the hissing, hoping for once that it was just a snake and not my evil vampire kitten battling a big old Komodo dragon, but of course I’m never that lucky. Especially, it seems, with Lucky.

  I saw Boris first. He was sitting on a branch looking down into a ditch. There were Lucky and Fang, circling each other. Lucky’s tongue shot in and out of his mouth tasting the air. Fang’s fur stood on end and she was arched in the middle like a Halloween cat ready to fight. One of Lucky’s claws was the size of her whole body, but she did not look like she was going to back down.

  I swear if Godzilla had walked into Camp Mwhaaa-haa-ha-a-watha, Fang would find a reason to pick a fight with him. Why does she think she needs to fight every creature that crosses her path?

  I tried to distract Fang. I took off my lei and dragged it in front of her like a string. She is a sucker for a string usually, but she just ignored the dangling loop of flowers and stared right into Lucky’s dark, cold eyes. I tossed the lei aside. “OK, that didn’t work. Come on, kitten. Let’s go.”

  “REeeeoowwworrrllll.” She did that kitten growl thing that means “I’m taking you down.” Lucky responded by inflating his throat and then letting out a deep, loud, mean “HIIIIISSSSS” that went on for ages. If I spoke Komodo (which I don’t), I would totally think he’d said, “Yeah, in your dreams, fur ball.”

  “Just walk away, Fang,” I mumbled. “Good evil kitten, fight another day. Just walk away.” Lucky lurched toward Fang and hissed again. “OK, change of plans: just run, kitten. RUN!” I shouted.

  I tried chucking sticks at Lucky to distract him and get him to chase me instead, but they just bounced off. I looked at Boris. “Go get help!” I said.

  He fluttered off back toward the camp.

  I managed to find a long, thick forked stick and tried to use it to hold Lucky back by his shoulders so that Fang could make a sprint for it. She didn’t twitch, though.

  “Come on, Fang. You can’t take this dragon. Run,” I shouted, but she wouldn’t back down.

  Then they stopped circling. They stared each other down. I braced myself and pushed on the stick, trying to force Lucky to back up. He was solid muscle, though. I could barely hold him still, let alone push him back. Then he turned quickly and flicked his tail against the stick, freeing himself. He reared up and slammed down on it like a World Wrestling Entertainment champ. The thick stick snapped like a twig. There was nothing to stop him now.

  Then we heard the whistle and “Heel, Lucky.”

  Madame Mako sat on a chair carried by Igor, and snapped her fingers. Then she elbowed Igor. “That means ‘set me down,’” she scolded.

  “Urgh, urgh,” Igor mumbled as he placed the chair on the ground.

  As Lucky trotted back to Madame Mako’s side like nothing had happened, she continued to stare at me and Fang.

  Geeky Girl ran up behind them with Boris fluttering ahead of her. “What happened?” she said. “Boris looked like he wanted us to follow him. Kirsty and Phillipe wanted to come with us when they saw us leaving, but I told them my grandmother wanted to see the woods on her own. They listened to me! Kirsty even curtsied again. It was weird.”

  “Yeah, that’s weird,” I said. “But kinda cool.”

  “Anyway, are you OK?” she said to me.

  “Yeah,” I said. “But Fang was nearly dragon food.”

  “Meeeeooooowwwlll,” Fang meowed, and jumped out of the pit, still staring down Lucky.

  “Is that yours?” Madame Mako said, pointing at Fang. Fang hissed again, this time at Madame Mako and moved like she was going to pounce.

  “Easy, girl,” I said, scratching her ear as I scooped her up. “She is with me,” I said.

  Then Madame Mako looked at Geeky Girl. “That is an example of an evil pet that shows some promise,” she said. “At least it’s brave.”

  Boris fluttered off Geeky Girl’s shoulder and headed back to camp.

  “Urgh, urgh, urgh,” Igor muttered.

  “Yeah, I think his feelings were hurt too,” I said.

  “Your henchmen were also brave,” Madame Mako said.

  “Um, thanks, but you got it wrong with the whole henchmen thing. We’re our own evil scientists actually,” I said.

  “Yeah, they aren’t my—” Geeky Girl started to say, but Madame Mako had stopped listening.

  “Granddaughter, why don’t you come back and stay at the island tonight. There are so many things we haven’t discussed.”

  Geeky Girl looked over at me.

  “I should check on…” Geeky Girl started.

  “Igor and I can check on Boris,” I said. “He’ll be sulking, but he’ll be fine.” I mouthed the words “Go, it’s your grandma” to her.

  Geeky Girl shrugged her shoulders and nodded. “OK,” she said.

  Then I whispered, “And if you could mention that we aren’t your henchmen and we are actually very hardworking, clever…”

  “Urgh, urgh,” Igor whispered too.

  “Yeah, and brave, young evil scientists who might be great to one day take over a floating volcano island, then that would be great too,” I added.

  Madame Mako snapped her fingers again. “Up!” she commanded.

  Igor shrugged and lifted the chair once again.

  “To the bridge,” she said to Igor, and they headed off to the volcano island with Lucky trotting along behind.

  I scooped up Fang and headed back to camp. “I’ll see you at the tent, Igor!” I shouted after them.

  “Urgh,” he answered.

  I stroked Fang as we walked back. “OK, that lady is hard to impress. We faced down her Komodo dragon, and all we got is that we were kinda brave,” I said. “We need to show her our total epicness, Fan
g. And we need to be ready if we have to square off with that dragon again. Luckily, I am ace at epic evil plans. We better get started.” When we got back to the tent, we found Boris sitting on the branch above our door.

  “Thanks, Boris. You saved us by getting help,” I said. “Come on, I’ll keep Fang away from you and get you some cookie crumbs or something.”

  He fluttered in after us.

  When I had given Boris some crumbs and Fang had licked out the insides of three of my grandma’s peanut butter sandwich cookies, Igor stomped back into the tent.

  “Urgh, urgh, urgh,” he muttered.

  “I know you’re nobody’s henchman, Igor,” I said. “And so does Geeky Girl. You are your own evil scientist, dude. Still, thanks for bringing her over to call off the dragon. I thought Fang and I were dragon food out there.”

  Boris fluttered down and landed on Igor’s shoulder.

  “Oh, yeah, Geeky Girl is staying on the island tonight with her grandmother, Boris, so I guess you can stay here with us if you want? You just have to keep out of sight…,” I started to say, but Boris flapped up and headed for the tent flap to leave. He motioned for us to follow.

  7

  “You don’t like her being there without you, Boris?” I asked.

  Fang meowed and hissed at the lei from the luau that was hanging around Igor’s neck. She tore it off him and shredded it in seconds.

  “I don’t thing Fang trusts Madame Mako much either,” I said.

  Boris fluttered down and landed on my shoulder.

  “It’s a shame we can’t all go over there and see what’s going on,” I said.

  Igor mimed the bridge to the island being pulled back as soon as Madame Mako and Geeky Girl had crossed over onto the flying island.

  “So hard for us to get across, but not for Boris,” I said. “Maybe he can spy on Madame Mako and let us know if there’s trouble.”

  Then Igor got that look like a giant Igor-size lightbulb was going off in his head. He rushed over to the trunk by his bed with his stuff in it and pulled out a small camera attached to a head strap.

  “Even better!” I said. “We can see what Boris sees. You up for being an evil spy, Boris?” I said.

  He shook his head.

  “OK, a non-evil spy then. Come on,” I said.

  We fixed the camera to Boris’s head and sent him off toward the island. Soon Bob and Diablo came back from the luau and we all turned off our flashlights and went to sleep. Well, we went to bed.

  I had the camera monitor under my pillow, and Fang was hiding under the covers. Igor and I each had one of the earbuds in our ears to hear what they were saying too.

  Geeky Girl and her grandmother were walking around the outside of the volcano lair and talking. With them outside, it made it easy for Boris to flutter close by and eavesdrop on the conversation.

  “I’m so pleased that you are doing so well at Evil Scientist Camp. I have been following your progress here with interest. When I heard that you were following in the family tradition, my heart jumped for joy. It was not a stress-related palpitation like the doctors said,” she added.

  “Are you having heart problems, Grandmother?” Geeky Girl asked.

  “My doctors say that the stress of being a celebrity evil scientist has taken its toll. They think I should retire for my health. It’s not easy running an evil empire. It’s a job for the young,” she said, patting Geeky Girl’s shoulder. “It’s a shame your mother never wanted to take over the business. I could have retired years ago.”

  “You offered Mom your evil empire?” Geeky Girl asked. “But she never mentioned it. Or that this is what you did.”

  “Your mother was embarrassed by all this. She moved continents and married that man who sold newspapers to get away from her inheritance,” Madame Mako said.

  “Mom is very happy,” Geeky Girl said, “except when she talks about you. I think she wishes that you visited more. She was very excited to go see you this summer in Tahiti while I was at camp,” she said.

  “I asked your mother a final time when she visited if she would take over the empire, but she said no. I thought you could run it together as mother and daughter, but she said she was raising you NOT to be evil.” Madame Mako shook her head. “We had nothing further to say.

  “You can imagine how thrilled I was, then, when I heard about your progress here. You are following in my footsteps after all. I can teach you all you need to know to run a truly great evil empire. You can even bring along your henchmen if you like,” she said.

  “They’re not my henchmen,” Geeky Girl corrected. “They’re their own hardworking, evil, clever, um, what was the other thing? Oh yeah, brave evil scientists,” she said. “And they’re my friends.”

  “Urgh, urgh, urgh,” Igor said, and sniffled.

  “You are not allowed to get sniffly over that, big man. That is soooo not an evil-enough thing to say,” I whispered. “But she’ll learn, and she did get all the other stuff in about us. Result.”

  Igor and I leaned across the beds and high-fived.

  “She is being given the keys to the volcano,” I said.

  “Urgh, urgh, urgh?” Igor asked.

  “I don’t know if there are actual keys,” I said. “I mean, Madame Mako is basically asking her to run her evil empire when she retires, and we could run it with her!” Geeky Girl was being offered the opportunity of a lifetime. This is what Igor wanted. This is what I wanted. I think this is even what Fang wanted! (Especially if it meant she got to boss around that Komodo dragon.)

  Then Madame Mako spoke again. “Henchmen are more valuable than friends,” she said. “But we can come back to that. So, do you accept my offer?”

  Geeky Girl paused.

  “Grandma, I don’t know if that’s what I want,” she said. “What if I don’t want to run an evil empire? What if I don’t even want to be an evil scientist? Maybe I just want to be a regular scientist.” She paused again. “No, scratch that. I want to be an extraordinary scientist, but maybe just not an evil one.”

  “Then why are you here?” Madame Mako asked.

  “It was a mistake. It’s kinda a long story. I’m getting cold. Can we go inside?” she said.

  They walked up a ramp to a door, and Boris tried to follow. He was inside, hovering behind the door, and we could see Madame Mako and Geeky Girl disappear around a corner. Just as Boris looked as if he would follow, we heard that horrible slurping sound. Lucky!

  We could see the camera shaking as Boris flew up and down trying to avoid claws. Boris levitated higher to get past Lucky’s reach, but his tail is long. We could hear a thwack as the end of Lucky’s tail came into view. We saw a flutter of green feathers and then the camera fell off Boris’s head, hit the floor and shattered.

  Igor and I both sat up in bed.

  “Urgh, urgh, urgh?” Igor asked.

  Diablo rolled over in his bed and grunted.

  “Shhhhh,” I whispered to Igor. “It’s OK. Boris could have gotten away,” I said. “It doesn’t mean Lucky definitely got him. Boris is a tricky bird, and he should be able outmaneuver Lucky … Still we don’t have any way to know unless we check.”

  “Urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh,” Igor urgh-whispered.

  “Yeah, you’re right. Geeky Girl will totally kill us if we let Boris get caught by Lucky when we are supposed to be looking out for him. Especially as we actually sent him to spy on her and her grandma instead,” I said softly. “We have to get inside the volcano island!”

  8

  “We just need a few things to help us while we’re over there,” I said, and grabbed my backpack.

  I quietly went over to my trunk of special evil scientist gadgets and inventions that I’d brought from home specifically for this kind of mission (I’m calling this mission “Operation Budgie”) and stocked up on a few items we might need.

  “OK, we are good to go, Igor,” I whispered.

  Igor and I snuck out of the tent with Fang. We headed to the edge of the lake. I
spotted some canoes on the shore and we quickly climbed in and started to row to the island.

  On the other side, we covered the canoe with palm leaves to camouflage it. I reached into my backpack and pulled out my Invisible Lair Trap Detector and scanned the area. “That’s funny,” I said. “She has built this massive high-tech volcano lair, and we just rock up on a canoe and aren’t lasered or laughing-gassed or anything? It doesn’t seem right.”

  “Urgh, urgh, urgh,” Igor said.

  “Yeah, maybe Madame Mako got distracted talking to Geeky Girl and didn’t switch on her security traps tonight. Come on. It’s clear anyway. Let’s go.”

  We ran to the front door—a big, thick metal door in a stone frame. Shut. There was no Boris, though, and no Lucky. I checked the door to see if we could pick the lock with something or pry it open.

  “Urgh,” Igor mumbled, and I turned to see him pick up the smashed camera from the floor and a green feather.

  “They both must have gotten inside before the door closed. We can’t get in this way. We’ll just have to find another way in,” I said.

  “Urgh.” Igor pointed up the volcano.

  “I guess that’s where we go, then,” I said, and we started to climb the volcano.

  Halfway up, Igor pointed down at the lake. We could see Dustin and Sanj rowing across in another canoe. They must have been spying on us and seen us sneak out of our tent and take the canoe. Spying on us spying. That’s pretty low. They probably thought we were trying to impress Madame Mako by breaking into her own lair.

  “We don’t have time to try and stop them—we have to get to Boris,” I said to Igor. “He might be a dragon snack by now.”

  Just as we climbed to the next ledge of the volcano, we saw something a little out of place. There was an open window.

  A window that looked like it would be in some white wood-paneled house in the suburbs was on the side of the volcano. Who has a window in a volcano lair? And who leaves a window in a volcano lair wide open?